


A Simple Matter

by afreezingnote



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angelic Grace-Powered Orgasms (Supernatural), Bathing/Washing, Castiel/Dean Winchester in Purgatory, Episode: s07e23 Survival of the Fittest, Episode: s08e02 What's Up Tiger Mommy?, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Time, Love Confessions, M/M, Metaphysical Sex, Purgatory, Purgatory Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:35:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29006901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afreezingnote/pseuds/afreezingnote
Summary: “I’ll go with you, and I’ll do my best.”Dean had thought that would be the end of the conversation, but he was wrong. Not even ten sweet miles had passed in his Baby before Cas shifted in his seat and spoke again.“Dean, there is something I would like to say to you. I’ve wanted to say it for a long time, but the ideal moment never comes. We always seem to be angry with each other or dying. You probably won’t appreciate this, but I find I don’t want to die without you knowing,” Cas said, rambling around his point.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 92





	A Simple Matter

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I haven't been active in the Supernatural fandom since 2016. This resurgence is a result of going through my drafts folder on a whim and deciding to post old pieces that can stand alone as is, though I had intended them to be longer at the time. This piece, along with the other new ones, were written sometime between 2014 and 2016.
> 
> Not beta'd, so any mistakes are all my fault. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and make no profit from this work save fun. If this story appears anywhere other than Archive of Our Own, it has been reposted without my consent.
> 
> Sexual Content Warnings: a smidge of anal play, a smidge of frottage, gracegasm, the metaphysical sex tag is because Cas comes from feeling Dean's soul as he orgasms

_ “I’ll go with you, and I’ll do my best.” _

Dean had thought that would be the end of the conversation, but he was wrong. Not even ten sweet miles had passed in his Baby before Cas shifted in his seat and spoke again.

“Dean, there is something I would like to say to you. I’ve wanted to say it for a long time, but the ideal moment never comes. We always seem to be angry with each other or dying. You probably won’t appreciate this, but I find I don’t want to die without you knowing,” Cas said, rambling around his point.

“What is it you want me to know, Cas?” Dean asked, interrupting the string of words flowing from the angel’s mouth.

“I’m afraid it will make you angry,” Cas said, hedging again. “You have to understand that I’m not male in the way humans understand such things. I exist in this body, and because of the chromosomal structure that informs the way this body looks, you call me he. In my true form, I look nothing like this. I have no gender, and it would injure you beyond healing to look at me anyway. Sometimes I wish you could see me as I am, but other times I don’t. All humans who have beheld angels before were terrified to look upon us. It’s been a long time since I wanted you to fear me.”

“For what it’s worth, I’d like to know what you really look like. You’ve seen all there is of me, and I’ve only ever seen the shadow of your wings,” Dean said.

“Technically, this body is mine now. I’ve been exploded by archangels one too many times for Jimmy’s soul to remain attached,” Cas said. “I’m alone in here.”

“Still,” Dean said. “It’s not the same though. You told Samuel that you’re the size of the Chrysler building. I mean, being over six feet is tall for a human, but that’s small potatoes compared to 1,000 feet, you know? But this isn’t what you meant to talk about, is it?”

“No,” Cas said. He looked away from the window to examine his fidgeting hands.

“I won’t get angry with you,” Dean said. “Just tell me what you want to say.”

“Hester was right about me,” Cas said. “I have fallen in every way, even in love. With you. That’s what I wanted to say. I love you, Dean.”

“I—You—What about Meg?” Dean asked haltingly. He could feel his heart stumbling in an effort to clench and flutter at once.

Cas’s eyebrows scrunched together.

“What about Meg?” he asked.

“You were just waxing poetic about her thorny beauty,” Dean said. 

“She is lovely,” Cas said with a small shrug. “But you are far more beautiful. She has shown me compassion and care, which is difficult for her kind, and I do feel fondness for her. But you are the one I love.”

Cas turned to him and grinned in the way that Dean had come to understand as a signal for one of the angel’s avoidant outbursts. “If we were penguins, I would offer you a pebble.”

“A pebble?” Dean asked.

“Yes, it is much like a proposal of marriage,” Cas said. “Penguins mate for life, you know.”

“I think I’ve heard that,” Dean said.

“You’re really not angry?” Cas asked.

“No, I’m not mad,” Dean said.

They’d acknowledged the depth of their relationship in small ways in the past, and that was exactly why Dean had spent such a long time being angry at Cas. If their bond was so profound, why had Cas betrayed him anyway? Dean had let rage and resentment fester under his skin at the thought Cas for months, and he’d clutched those feelings close so that the overwhelming grief that kept trying to claw its way up his throat couldn’t suffocate him entirely. 

Eventually, his anger became a defense mechanism. It was almost instinct to react to Cas with anger now, but even in his most ungenerous thoughts, Dean had never wanted to see his friend broken. Spending time with Cas like this made Dean feel a lot of things—concern, frustration, anxiety. But the anger had become hard to hold onto. Dean kept his eyes on the road, but he could feel Cas staring at his profile.

“No, you’re not,” Cas agreed. “You’re sad. Why?”

“With this, with the way you are right now, I can’t be sure how much of this is really you,” Dean said.

“You don’t believe me?” Cas asked.

Dean lifted one hand off the steering wheel, turning it palm upward in a shrug.

“It’s true, Dean,” Cas said.

“Let’s say it is,” Dean said. “We’re probably going to die tomorrow either way, so nothing will ever come of it.”

“You would want something to come of it?” Cas asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I would,” Dean said.

“Does that mean you—” Cas stopped mid-sentence and hesitated before continuing. “You would accept my pebble?”

Dean had spent so long feeling angry at Cas that the tender fondness his awkward phrasing inspired almost surprised him.

“Yeah, Cas. I’d take your pebble,” Dean said.

“Oh, I’m glad I told you then.”

It was a testament to how well Dean knew him that he could tell Cas was surprised by his answer.

“Me too,” Dean said. 

He was grateful he’d managed to sound normal through a throat that wanted to constrict with emotion.

They drove on in silence for several more miles.

“Dean?” Cas said.

“Yeah?” Dean asked.

“Can I—Could we hold hands?” Cas asked.

Dean didn’t reply. Instead, he turned Cas’s hand over on the bench seat between them and twined their fingers together. 

* * *

Dean managed to stay silent through a handful of hours of walking along the thin line of trees and brush bordering the riverbank before the pressure of his thoughts became too much. He adjusted his pace to end up in step with Cas, intent on starting the conversation that had preoccupied the back of his mind since they’d been blasted to Purgatory.

“I know you still weren’t all there at the time, but I need to know something.” Dean said, keeping his voice low for a semblance of privacy. “Do you remember what we talked about when we were driving the Impala back to the cabin before heading to Sucrocorp?”

“We talked about several things, Dean,” Cas said, his tone carefully neutral. 

Dean scowled.

“Don’t give me that shit,” he said. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“You mean what I told you in case we died,” Cas said reluctantly.

“Yes,” Dean said. “Did you mean it?”

“Every word,” Cas said.

“Even the sappy shit about penguins mating for life?” Dean asked.

“Yes, Dean,” Cas said.

“Good,” Dean said. “I meant what I said too.”

* * *

When they stopped for the night, Dean decided to make use of the river to rinse the grime of Purgatory off his skin and hoped he might be able to seize more than one opportunity in the process. He plopped down next to Cas and bumped their shoulders together.

“I’d really like to kiss you, and I’d like to be covered in significantly less monster blood when I do,” Dean said. “I’m gonna go wash up. Coming?” 

“Of course,” Cas said.

* * *

The water that rushed over Deans ankles was bracingly cold, but it got more bearable the deeper he waded. Though the clear flow felt wonderful, it wasn’t strong enough to strip the gore from his flesh alone, so he used handfuls of sand to scrub the stubborn spots clean.

Dean looked at Cas standing at the riverbank. Satisfaction surged through him when he found Cas’s eyes already on him. “It’s nice,” Dean said, waving toward the water. “You should come in and get my back for me.”

Cas smirked as if he knew what Dean intended.

Between one blink and the next, Cas appeared naked next to him in the water. He scooped sand into his palm and moved behind Dean, his hands moving smooth and careful across Dean’s shoulder blades and down his spine. Once he’d rinsed Dean with equal attention, he said, “I could have done this with a thought.”

“Why didn’t you?” Dean asked.

“I can feel your desire,” Cas said. His breath ghosted along Dean’s neck.

Dean turned, not moving away an inch. They always stood too close, but this proximity was new and exhilarating. In tandem, they leaned in to brush their lips together. The kiss soon gained heat and their hands grew confident as they touched.

Dean made soft, unconscious sounds of encouragement as Cas’s fingers raked experimental paths down Dean’s sides. Cas’s hands molded to the curve of Dean’s ass and squeezed, pulling a whine up Dean’s throat.

“Touch me. Touch me, please,” Dean said breathlessly.

Dean didn’t know how Castiel understood what he wanted, if his desperate desire somehow formed itself into a prayer or what, but Cas shifted his right hand so that his fingers dragged up the cleft of Dean’s ass, pressing inward. Cas grazed the tip of his middle finger across Dean’s hole before starting to circle his rim.

“Yes,” Dean hissed.

He bucked his hips against Cas, chasing more friction and slotting their cocks together.

Cas moaned.

“Dean, we really don’t have time for this,” he said.

“Is something coming?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Cas said. “They’re not close enough to worry about yet, but we still don’t have time to do this.”

Dean groaned with frustration but didn’t bother to slow the rhythm of his thrusts.

“What kind of monster is it?” Dean asked. “I want to know what type of asshole is preventing  _ us _ from coming.”

“It’s a small pack of werewolves,” Cas said. “But listen. I’m trying to say we don’t have time to do this  _ like this _ , but we could—we could try something faster, maybe. If you trust me.”

“I trust you, Cas,” Dean said. “What do you mean?”

“As an angel, I have certain skills that I’m sure were not meant to be used this way, but, uh, let me show you?” Cas asked.

Dean stilled the motion of his hips to look at Cas searchingly. Cas met his eyes with a gaze so earnest it made Dean’s lips curl upward affectionately.

“I get the feeling that I’m going to need you to explain yourself after this, but go ahead,” Dean said.

Cas captured Dean’s lips and pulled Dean flush against him as they kissed. Suddenly, Dean felt a warm, familiar tingle in his head. It was the same sensation he experienced whenever Cas healed him, but this time the touch lingered. It felt as if Cas’s grace were branching out inside his brain, trying to pinpoint a specific location.

Just as quickly, whatever Cas was doing inside his mind started communicating with his body, and Dean lost concentration on the journey of Cas’s grace as physical stimulation overwhelmed him. Heat spread through his limbs the way it did with those rare, intense orgasms that shook his whole body. The arousal pooled in his loins mounted until he felt himself on the brink of climax. His heart beat rapidly, and his breath came in ragged exhalations. Dean only had a moment to savor the suspended euphoria of impending orgasm before he plummeted over the edge, his cock pulsing and spilling between his and Cas’s bellies. 

Dean was dimly aware of Cas’s voice lifting in pleasure in accompaniment with his own. When his mind cleared from the overload of sensation, Dean found his head buried in Cas’s neck and the angel’s strong, unyielding arms wrapped around his back. Dean was grateful for the support. He wasn’t sure his own legs would hold him up.

“Did you just make me come with your grace?” Dean asked, already knowing the answer but wanting to hear Cas say it.

“Yes,” Cas said. “It’s a simple matter of stimulating the amygdala, the nucleus accumbens, and the ventral medial prefrontal cortex.”

Dean laughed. He felt an uncharacteristic lightness in his chest.

“A gracegasm,” Dean said. “Fuck me, that’s awesome. So, can you just spontaneously make yourself come?”

“No, it wouldn’t work the same way for me,” Cas said. 

“That sucks,” Dean said. “So, how did you finish just now?”

“You are because you have a soul, and your soul lives inside your body,” Cas said. “But a soul is powerful and full of energy. The body doesn’t always manage to contain all of that energy, which is why humans with extrasensory perception can see auras. Orgasm is one of the most common reasons for the soul’s extra energy to radiate beyond the body. I came with you because we were touching both physically and through our spiritual energy.”

“Which is the super metaphysical way of saying I got you off with my soul,” Dean said.

“Yes,” Cas agreed.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Dean said. “Weird but hot.”

“I’m glad you approve,” Cas said.

Dean pulled his head away from Cas’s shoulder, feeling recovered enough to stand on his own, and saw Cas’s tiny smirk lighting his features. Dean fucking loved that expression.

“I’ve missed you,” Dean said.

Cas’s smile grew marginally, which Dean knew to be the equivalent of beaming with joy for the angel, and he kissed Dean again, softer and slower this time.

“We should go,” Cas said.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome. If you'd like any additional tags included or spot any errors, please let me know, and I'll update asap.
> 
> If you enjoy my writing and BBC Merlin, I've got good news! Merlin is my fandom home now, so my current work is for Merlin/Arthur/Gwen and Merthur. I'd love to see readers old and new check out my Merlin projects, if either of those pairings sound interesting!
> 
> If you'd like to find me on tumblr, [unmarkedinlife](https://unmarkedinlife.tumblr.com) is my Merlin blog. I follow from [balaszafiros.](https://balaszafiros.tumblr.com)


End file.
